


We're All Just Old Souls

by gayyden



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coming Out, F/M, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Trans Character, Trans Sam Winchester, i will add more characters and tags later on, not sure where this is going, this probably will be a collection of scenes rather than a linear plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:40:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27580826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayyden/pseuds/gayyden
Summary: There is nothing in the Supernatural canon that says Sam isn't trans, so I say he is! A collection of scenes regarding Sam and his transition that never quite made it to the screen. May involve Destiel and Eileen/Sam once I get to post-canon terrain.
Relationships: Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	We're All Just Old Souls

“Samantha, what are you trying to say here?” Dean asked, sitting down on the ratty motel bed. Another goddamn Christmas alone with his little sister in a stupid motel in some stupid town. 

“I- I’m not Samantha. That’s what I’m trying to say. I don’t know why or what’s wrong with me, but I feel like a boy inside. Like my body doesn’t fit. Like my name doesn’t fit. It’s all wrong, Dean,” Sam replied, holding back tears. Dean put a hand on his forehead while Sam turned to leave. To go on a walk. Or something. He needed to get out of this suddenly suffocating room.

“Wait, Saman–“ Dean started, then reconsidered, “Actually, is there something different you want me to call you?”

Sam paused and turned around.

“Just Sam is fine,” he said with the faintest of smiles.

Dean opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but instead just kept looking at Sam.

Sam, never one for awkward silences, said, “Look man, I know you probably don’t get it. I don’t really get it either. And it’s not like I could, I don’t know, live as a boy or whatever while we’re still with Dad. Jesus, just forget I said anything.”

With that, Sam left the room to go on a walk. Dean did not forget he said anything, but he also would not bring up the short conversation again for a long time. He did make an effort to shorten Samantha to Sam and eventually Sammy, but no further acknowledgement was made. Not for almost a decade.

Nine years after Sam’s first attempt at coming out, he had been living as himself at Stanford for four years. With a scholarship paying for his tuition, he was able to use the money he saved as a teenager working odd jobs and flipping patties for hormone therapy and top surgery. He and his girlfriend Jess (who was really too good for him) shared an apartment where they made breakfast, hung out with friends, stayed up too late doing homework– all the stuff Sam missed out on as a kid. Life was honestly pretty good. Plus, he scored a 174 on the LSAT, which he tried to stay humble about but knew would get him into almost any law school.

He never even needed to come out to his dad, who was mad enough about the entire college thing to effectively disown his child for that alone. Sam could still remember the entire argument so vividly…

He had gotten his acceptance letter to Stanford with a full ride scholarship nearly two months before. He’d already written to accept the admission but was yet to tell his dad. There were a lot of things he hadn’t yet told his dad. So, with it being almost time to head off to California, Sam tossed the acceptance letter on his dad’s bed and started throwing worn out sweatshirts and his favorite books into a duffel bag. Dean had reluctantly agreed to drive him, knowing damn well he would be the one to deal with their father’s wrath upon return.

Unfortunately, Dad returned from his hunt about two hours earlier than expected.

Sam and Dean looked at each other in horror as John Winchester traipsed into the apartment. They had a real apartment with two actual bedrooms, now.

“Samantha!” John roared from his room a moment later.

“Shit,” Sam said with a grimace.

“Good luck dude,” Dean replied, empathetic but not willing to turn this into his fight. Sam rolled his eyes and stood up.

“What the hell is this?” John said, waving the envelope in the air as Sam stood in the bedroom doorway.

“It’s exactly what it looks like,” Sam replied.

“Why in God’s name didn’t you tell me you were applying to college? And how are you expecting me to pay for this? Jesus Christ, Sam. This is a new low, even for you.”

A new low? College? Sam decided right then and there that he was done. Not just with hunting, but with this family. It didn’t matter what he said, what he did, who he was, or how fucking hard he worked. None of it would ever be good enough because it was never going to be hunting.

“You know what, Dad? Any other parent would be fucking overjoyed if their kid got into Stanford. Do you not understand? That is one of the hardest universities in this country to get into, and I got in with a full ride. So don’t worry, you won’t have to hand over a single precious penny from your credit card scams. Dean’s taking me to California this afternoon. And I’m getting out. I’m leaving.”

For a second, a split second, Sam thought he saw something resembling sympathy flash across his father’s cold eyes.

Or maybe it was just disappointment.

“If you’re going to leave, stay gone.”

So he did. Sam and Dean drove out west that day, and only one brother returned to Kansas.

Almost four years later, Sam laid in bed, thinking about how he had finally reached a place where that memory couldn’t hurt him anymore. It just played in his head like a rerun of an old TV show you’d almost forgotten about.

Suddenly, a creak in the floorboards outside his bedroom jolted him from his thoughts. Sam slowly got out of bed, careful not to wake Jess. He treaded lightly through the hallways, his heart pounding. A shadowy figure walked past the door to the living room.

Sam darted to the door, where he saw the same figure facing away from him. He seized the opportunity and jumped the guy. They fought for what felt like far longer than it probably was, arms and legs punching and kicking in the dark. Just as Sam was beginning to realize how long it had been since he’d actually fought anyone, his opponent pinned him to the floor.

“Dean?”

What the hell? His brother, who he hadn’t spoken to in at least three years, just broke into his apartment.

“You scared the crap out of me,” he said, still pinned.

“That’s cause you’re out of practice,” Dean replied with a smirk.

At that, Sam kicked his brother in the side and flipped him over.

“Or not,” Dean laughed uncomfortably, “looks like all that testosterone bulked you up a bit. Now get off me.”

Sam helped him up and asked, “Dean, what the hell are you doing here?”

“I was looking for a beer,” his ever hilarious brother replied, “Damn, you really are a man now, huh?”

Since the two had last seen each other, Sam’s chest had been flattened by surgery and his voice deepened via weekly injection. A lot had changed.

“Always have been,” Sam replied. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment if you liked it :)


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